I wrote an apology for a series of incidents when I was in high school. Attempting to piece together what happened, what I did and didn’t do, why I did it, all with the corona of hurting someone I care about, was hard and very draining. My weird-ass memory issues (most likely due to childhood “experiences”) make it substantially harder: pieces don’t fit together right.
Balancing the emotional lessons of wanting to ensure I don’t hurt people like that again, with the costs of dredging up and experiencing bad things is hard. I have no idea if I’m “doing it right”; I want to own my past, but not let it distort who I am or who I want to be.
The post is on my facebook. I’m hesitant to repost it here or otherwise make it fully publicly accessible, I’ll edit this if that changes.